Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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