i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
