So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
