All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
