so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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