You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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