just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pants are for mortals
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize