update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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