my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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