a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
