I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
