I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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