we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
