WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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