Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
