Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
