every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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