if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
