dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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