Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
