I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
