Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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