They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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