girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize