I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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