Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
