You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
