I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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