well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
