wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
