Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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