Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
