I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ketchup is God's man juice
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
