I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
