So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize