in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
