I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He better not be in your backpack
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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