I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
