I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
