I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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