is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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