I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
