It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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