I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
