Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
