I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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