I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Send help, water and tortillas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
