hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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