Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
