he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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