Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
