Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
