I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
