She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
