We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
