Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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