I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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