i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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