Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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