Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
