This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize