If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
