just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
