don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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