She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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