I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
