haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
