They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
